In A World Of Real Superheroes, Matt Gaetz Would Attract The Attention Of The Avengers And The Justice League, And Not In A Good Way

What can you say about a United States congressional representative who racks up traffic tickets, smears someone on Twitter with allegations of infidelity and taunting him that, since he’s in prison now, his wife is cheating on him?

What can you say about a guy who intimidates witnesses, breaks into a SCIF with a small mob of confederates, an unnecessary publicity stunt since he didn’t have to but was in sync with Trump’s tactical strategy of division, intimidation and confusion in a power play by the Republican party that’s never slowed down?

Well, there is one thing that comes to mind: he’s a dick.

He sat through a session wearing a gas mask, which by the way is an uncomfortable way of contracting a biological contaminant even in a theatre of war. Unless it was a full hazmat suit with self contained breathing apparatus or SCBA with biohazard filters and cooling unit. And I’m sorry, but no one needs or could afford one of those rigs right now. Gaetz is a real and obvious dick.

But karma has a way of hitting you upside the head when you’re a dick. Now we’ve heard that Gaetz was actually exposed to the coronavirus during a meeting, then boarded Air Force One, potentially exposing Trump to the virus.

I’m sorry, but that’s hilarious. No, I don’t want anyone to be sick, not Gaetz the Dick (my supervillain name for him) and certainly not Trump. Not just because I’m supposed to be a Christian, which to some makes me a supervillain, but also someone who’s deluded.

I watch Andrew Cuomo’s updates and interviews. He’s constantly reminding me of Al Pacino, but not to be lost is his calm demeanor in his speech and emphasis that people shouldn’t be hysterical over this. And he’s right. He says that at-risk people — the elderly and people with medical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease or bronchial and lung complications should think twice before traveling, whether by air or public transportation. Everyone else should be fine going about their business.

No, we’re not to wish sickness on anyone. But the irony of the story is actually, objectively, funny.

We don’t need mass hysteria. It never did anything good. It never will. You want to be safer, cool. Carry Purrell, wash your hands, be more conscious of touching your nose, eyes or mouth, cough into a tissue or the crook of your arm, don’t shake hands with or hug anyone until this virus peaks and subsides. Which it will do.

I’ve been accused of freaking out so many times by one friend alone that I’m already sick of it. You can’t even talk to people about this. Say one thing that gets misunderstood, and suddenly you are part of the problem.

The numbers will go up. It’s inevitable; that’s just how novel viruses work. It’s also how the flu works. And the latter kills more than coronavirus ever will, and it does so every year.

And look, this is not the Spanish flu, ebola, or the plague. Stop the panic. Try to remember that of the cases diagnosed, there will be more who never know they even have it. Yes, for a while, they can spread it, but it’s not written in stone that everyone will infect multiple people or that everyone is going to die. Be cool. If exposed then stay home, because even Matt Gaetz is doing that, and, like I said, he’s a dick. Life must go on.

As far as Wall Street goes, it appears to be a hysterical reaction that the market fell so badly that it was the worst drop since 2008. It is currently recovering, but that’s no barometer; we’ve had a bull market for so long that it has both elated investors and filled them with dread because it can’t last forever, but most likely it is vulnerable to situations like this, and Trump’s not reacting in a manner befitting the potential crisis. In fact he hasn’t done anything nor floated any strategic idea which instills confidence, and another drop is likely.

Everyone needs to calm down. If you’re one who prays, I say go ahead. Prayer never did hurt anything and I have seen and been the recipient of miracles, for which I credit prayer. If you wish to concentrate on positive energy, I say go. Positivity is a powerful thing.

Things will get worse. It’s an epidemic. But keep calm and use common sense, and we will see this pass.

As for Donald Trump being a supervillain?

He doesn’t qualify. He’s beneath even the dumbest of villains ever penciled and inked on newsprint.

However, a case could be made for a comparison between him and Snapper Carr…

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